Over the past day I have been trying to decipher so many things. How we got here? How I feel about it? What happens next? What does this mean for my country? If you know me at all then you know that this election cycle was deeply personal for me. It is still hard for me to find the right words honestly. The cycle from beginning to end shed light on just how far we still need to go on sexism, racism, and homophobia. This post will be a bit scattered and it won't have pictures. This is me processing my feelings and what happened and what to do in the future.
As a woman, these results have shaken me. I mourned my country yesterday. I keep trying to make sense of it all. Every time I come back to a very specific moment in my college career. Six years ago, I was a junior in college and take a class called Social and Cultural Change. It was a sociology class that I took with one of my favorite professors outside the Political Science department, Dr. Harold Dorton. This class was highly discussion based and as many of you know I am incredibly opinionated. One day that fall we discussed women in politics and the way they are treated by the media and the voters in comparison to their male counterparts, specifically about how Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi were often referred to as 'mannish' and 'shrill.' During this discussion, one woman in my class said the following: "If they know that's how they are going to be treated, why do they keep running? It's not like it's going to change." I was immediately in shock. I see Dr. Dorton swivel around and begin to call on me, before I even raised a hand. I stopped him and told him I needed a second to collect myself. If I spoke at that moment I might have thrown a desk at her. Within two seconds though, my brain had rebooted I went into probably the most impressive and maybe the most terrifying (for others) response I can remember. Women keep running because if we do not there never will be any change. We have to fight for every bit of power and progress we gain and then continue to fight so we can keep it.
This election cycle was hard because I was seeing this argument on a national stage. I watched as people nitpicked Hillary on things that if she were a man no one would have cared about. I watched this while Donald Trump said some of the most racist, sexist, homophobic, and violence inducing things to ever hit our national stage. He said things that have disqualified other candidates and got away with it. Hillary Clinton is the picture of grace and composure. Playing to role forced on her as a woman. Don't show too much emotion, but be relatable. Don't be weak, but don't be intimidating. Be perfect in every way, but don't. Hillary Clinton lived the American woman's experience in front of the world for everyone to see.
The reason it seems like so many woman, and marginalized communities, seem traumatized is because we are. We watched and fought through this election cycle as Hillary Clinton ran against a man who had no political resume whatsoever and did and said things that are hard to believe. Hillary Clinton was the epitome of the over-qualified woman in the office dealing with her under qualified and loud male coworker. During the debates she dealt with being interrupted over and over and being followed around a stage. We heard our now President-elect trivialize consent, rape, women's health, call Hillary a Nasty Woman, and lie and lie and lie again about a woman's right to choose. I watched my country turn it's back on women.
I will be honest. I spent the past day and a half in a whirlwind of emotions. When I woke up to the news yesterday after going to sleep and hoping it was all a nightmare, I cried and then I could not move for 3 hours. It was like the floor disappeared below me. The only reason I left my house yesterday was to return the iPad I used to canvass for six straight days. Afterwards, I went and bought myself greasy junk food and comic books, went home, and practiced as much self care as I possibly could. I grieved. I mourned. I couldn't get through listening to 'Sister Suffragette' without crying form despair at how disappointed they would be. I spoke with friends that were terrified for their families and their futures. I spoke with friends that were angry and devastated. I spoke with friends who are better at bouncing back than I am.
Today, I feel militant. I want to tear down the patriarchy. I want to show Donald Trump and his supporters that I will never back down. I will never stop being the strong, independent, intelligent, liberal woman I am. Don't tell me to give him a chance, he told us exactly who he was. Don't tell me that I'm overreacting or being irrational, I'm not. 46% of eligible voters didn't show up. 50% of those who voted elected a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, narcissistic blow hard to be our next President. President Obama, our first black President, will pass the presidency to a man supported by white nationalists and the KKK. I will not let this stand. I will go back into the trenches, no matter how tired I am, and I will fight for our future, for the soul of our country.
The last thing I will say is to Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Thank you. Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for forging a path for women and girls across this nation. Thank you for fighting for minorities of all types. Thank you for taking this beating and this scrutiny. Thank you for setting such an amazing example for all of us. You are my hero. I am a better and stronger woman because of your example. I will fight harder than ever because of your sacrifices. We may have lost this battle, but we will win the war.
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