Okay. I am back again, talking about things I NEVER thought I would have to address in relation to my own school. This case has blown up and understandably so. But the direction it is taking on campus disappoints me so much. I never thought in a million years I would have to say the things I am about to say to my classmates, fellow alumni, or administrators.
First and foremost, Small Private Liberal Arts Colleges are NOT special snowflakes in their little protective bubble from the rest of the world's problems. They have the same problems and suffer from the same issues and faults. I LOVED going to a SPLAC. It was perfect for me, but never once did I think there might not be problems at Virginia Wesleyan. I knew there were very typical college problems there from Day One. I, luckily, avoided a lot of those problems and helped my own friends and sisters and freshmen avoid them to.
Second, Rape is an epidemic in our society and, specifically in colleges here in the United States. VWC didn't get a pass from that. I've heard stories, comforted friends, and been warned against certain groups and individuals since my first day of Orientation nearly 7 years ago. Guess what. It is REAL. It is TRAUMATIZING. And VWC SCREWED UP.
Did you know that you are mostly likely to be raped by someone you know? Did you know that rape often happens when the acting party has some sort of power over the other person? Do these things sound familiar to you?
This is our exact situation. Virginia Wesleyan boasts roughly 1500 students maximum. That's tiny. You are probably a lot like I was when I went there. You know just about everyone on campus. There are your friends/sisters/brothers, your fellow majors, your classmates, and that kid you can't remember the name of but you've had class with them so much you feel obligated to wave at them. I LOVE that about our community, but there are a LOT of people you know. (Edit: It seems I jumped the gun. He was not her Peer Advisor. She was invited to the party by her Peer advisor though.) This kid was a Lacrosse Player, but more importantly he was a Peer Advisor, her Peer Advisor. You trust your peer advisor with so much because they helped you get acclimated to this new world called college. The next step to adulthood. He BROKE that trust. As someone who peer advised and bent over backwards to make sure my freshmen made it, going so far as to check in on them throughout their career until their graduation even after I graduated, I am offended and heartbroken that this person could bring himself to take advantage of one of his students.
Third, Rape is not an accident. It is not a mistake. You don't trip and fall into someone's genitalia repeatedly. When a rape occurs a person is ACTIVELY making the decision to take advantage of someone. Be it through manipulation, force, or the like, they are making that decision and they are aware of it. They are deciding that it is OKAY for them to do this and that is completely UNACCEPTABLE. You know why it is unacceptable? Because he is still out there at another college and he has made the decision once that it is okay to force himself on a young woman and harm her. Because the women at his new school do not know that he is dangerous (he is dangerous). BECAUSE HE COULD DO THIS AGAIN TO ANOTHER WOMAN AND ANOTHER AND ANOTHER AND NEVER EVER SEE CONSEQUENCES FOR IT. He never learned that what he did was wrong because he just transfered and started fresh somewhere. He probably still plays Lacrosse and parties too much, while 'Jane Doe' lives with the emotional and physical destruction he has caused her for the rest of her life.
Which brings me to my last point. If you are saying that this did not happen and she is lying, YOU are part of the problem. If you think that what the schools did was enough and she should 'let it go,' YOU are part of the problem. If you have said at any point 'boys will be boys,' YOU are part of the problem. If you think that this girl who was victimized is stupid for suing or has no reason to, YOU are part of the problem.
Don't be a part of the problem. Be a part of the solution. Stand Up. STAND TOGETHER.
Marlins, Be Better. Do Better. Make Change. Show the world what I already know, that you are a phenomenal community that can lead the way to a safer space for everyone.
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