And They Fall Like Dominos

   I know I'm about a week late on posting this, but last week was long and hard and tiring. A lot happened and I just didn't think this post would fit well with the other things going on in my piece of the world. But it is time and I'm so happy to write about it. 

   Last week, on Monday at 1pm, my home state, Virginia, hosted its first same sex marriages after the Ban was struck down in federal courts. This is SO important. Let me give some detail. 

   On Monday, October 6th, the Supreme Court refused to hear cases in 5 states, including Virginia, pertaining to Same-Sex Marriage Bans, thus upholding the decisions of the lower courts. Those five states immediately were allowed to hold Same-Sex marriages. My Attorney General, Mark Herring, whom I helped elect last year, announced that the Commonwealth of Virginia would begin providing Same-Sex Marriage Certificates and holding the marriages with Justices of the Peace at 1pm that same day. That. SAME. DAY. I have never been so proud to be a Virginian and to have worked tirelessly to make sure than Governor McAuliffe, Lieutenant Governor Northam, and Attorney General Herring were elected. This is what I fought for. Equality of all people in my state. 

   This has not been an easy battle, you see. I was alive when the Same-Sex Marriage Ban was made stricter and stricter as an amendment to the Commonwealth of Virginia's Constitution. The initial amendment in 1975 the Commonwealth of Virginia prohibited the marriage of same sex individuals. In 1997, the Virginia General Assembly banned the recognition of same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions and blocked access to benefits awarded married couples. In 2004, the Virginia General Assembly went a step further and banned civil unions and the like between same-sex couples including private contracts. As you can see, Virginia hasn't been on the right side of history for a long time. 

   On July 18, 2013, Bostic v. Schaefer was filed challenging the same-sex marriage ban in the US District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia. This case initially involved one male gay couple, though not to much later a lesbian couple joined in a plantiffs on the case. Attorney General Herring refused to defend the Ban on his Inauguration into office in January. On February 13, 2014, Judge Wright Allen in Norfolk, VA ruled that the statutory and constitutional ban on same-sex marriage in Virginia was unconstitutional. The Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals upheld this decision on July 28th in favor of striking down the ban entirely. So with the Supreme Court's refusal to hear the appeal on October 6th, the ban was struck down and Virginia, finally, found itself on the right side of history. 

   This is SO important. Because the Supreme Court's refusal to hear the cases cleared a path for nearly 30 other states to strike down their own same-sex marriage bans. THIS IS HUGE. Since the decision these bans have been falling like dominos throughout the country. 

   That first day I knew people who got married after decades of commitment to each other. I saw their picture show up on Equality Virginia's facebook and I cried of happiness for them. No Love is Less Important than another. Love is Equal. 

   Let me share a story from the Campaign Trail last year. I was working in Norfolk for the Democratic Coordinated Campaign. I happened to be in the office when this lovely gay couple came in. They were not originally from Virginia and had moved to the Ghent neighborhood in Norfolk from New York. One of the men was very happy to see the work we were doing and very supportive. The other could not see how any of it would make a difference. His marriage was not recognized here and he did not think it would be anytime soon. I tried so hard to explain to him that this year was different. That I felt that these men could change the tide in Virginia. That Virginia was on the cusp of a dramatic shift. He appreciated my optimism, but was still very doubtful, but did say he would vote for the democrats come November. That was all I could ask. I hope that he and his husband see now that Virginia is worth fighting for. He inspired me. I could not let this be his reality. 

   So I fought. I am still fighting. And I will not stop fighting until equality is not a luxury or privilege, but a right. You should too. Because no one deserves to feel like a second class citizen for any reason.

Liberal Arts Colleges Aren't Special Snowflakes

   Okay. I am back again, talking about things I NEVER thought I would have to address in relation to my own school. This case has blown up and understandably so. But the direction it is taking on campus disappoints me so much. I never thought in a million years I would have to say the things I am about to say to my classmates, fellow alumni, or administrators.

   First and foremost, Small Private Liberal Arts Colleges are NOT special snowflakes in their little protective bubble from the rest of the world's problems. They have the same problems and suffer from the same issues and faults. I LOVED going to a SPLAC. It was perfect for me, but never once did I think there might not be problems at Virginia Wesleyan. I knew there were very typical college problems there from Day One. I, luckily, avoided a lot of those problems and helped my own friends and sisters and freshmen avoid them to. 

   Second, Rape is an epidemic in our society and, specifically in colleges here in the United States. VWC didn't get a pass from that. I've heard stories, comforted friends, and been warned against certain groups and individuals since my first day of Orientation nearly 7 years ago. Guess what. It is REAL. It is TRAUMATIZING. And VWC SCREWED UP. 

   Did you know that you are mostly likely to be raped by someone you know? Did you know that rape often happens when the acting party has some sort of power over the other person? Do these things sound familiar to you? 

   This is our exact situation. Virginia Wesleyan boasts roughly 1500 students maximum. That's tiny. You are probably a lot like I was when I went there. You know just about everyone on campus. There are your friends/sisters/brothers, your fellow majors, your classmates, and that kid you can't remember the name of but you've had class with them so much you feel obligated to wave at them. I LOVE that about our community, but there are a LOT of people you know. (Edit: It seems I jumped the gun. He was not her Peer Advisor. She was invited to the party by her Peer advisor though.) This kid was a Lacrosse Player, but more importantly he was a Peer Advisor, her Peer Advisor. You trust your peer advisor with so much because they helped you get acclimated to this new world called college. The next step to adulthood. He BROKE that trust. As someone who peer advised and bent over backwards to make sure my freshmen made it, going so far as to check in on them throughout their career until their graduation even after I graduated, I am offended and heartbroken that this person could bring himself to take advantage of one of his students. 

   Third, Rape is not an accident. It is not a mistake. You don't trip and fall into someone's genitalia repeatedly. When a rape occurs a person is ACTIVELY making the decision to take advantage of someone. Be it through manipulation, force, or the like, they are making that decision and they are aware of it. They are deciding that it is OKAY for them to do this and that is completely UNACCEPTABLE. You know why it is unacceptable? Because he is still out there at another college and he has made the decision once that it is okay to force himself on a young woman and harm her. Because the women at his new school do not know that he is dangerous (he is dangerous). BECAUSE HE COULD DO THIS AGAIN TO ANOTHER WOMAN AND ANOTHER AND ANOTHER AND NEVER EVER SEE CONSEQUENCES FOR IT. He never learned that what he did was wrong because he just transfered and started fresh somewhere. He probably still plays Lacrosse and parties too much, while 'Jane Doe' lives with the emotional and physical destruction he has caused her for the rest of her life. 

   Which brings me to my last point. If you are saying that this did not happen and she is lying, YOU are part of the problem. If you think that what the schools did was enough and she should 'let it go,' YOU are part of the problem. If you have said at any point 'boys will be boys,' YOU are part of the problem. If you think that this girl who was victimized is stupid for suing or has no reason to, YOU are part of the problem. 

   Don't be a part of the problem. Be a part of the solution. Stand Up. STAND TOGETHER.

   Marlins, Be Better. Do Better. Make Change. Show the world what I already know, that you are a phenomenal community that can lead the way to a safer space for everyone.

I Stand By Jane Doe and I Am Virginia Wesleyan

   Let me start by explaining the situation. A couple days ago it came to light that my college, Virginia Wesleyan College, in Norfolk, VA was being sued by a former student for negligence of a sexual assault case on campus. The young woman, referred to as Jane Doe to protect her identity, was a new student in Fall 2012 and was lured by her Peer Adivsor (a lacrosse player) to a lacrosse party. She was then drugged and raped. On her way back to her dorm, she was seen by a security guard, who did nothing though her shorts were bloody and she was distressed. She reported the incident to the administration at VWC and they found the Lacrosse player guilty of sexual assault and originally Expelled him. Later, they decided to un-expel him and allow him to voluntarily withdraw so he could transfer to another institution. AND THERE, MY FRIENDS, IS THE GROSS MISHANDLING OF THE SITUATION. 

   Let me tell you something about my school. At my Freshman Orientation, I was lucky to become friends with upperclassmen who had my back. I was told to NEVER go to a Lacrosse party because they were known to drug and sexually assault women. SEVEN YEARS AGO, we knew this and upperclassmen actively informed as many freshmen girls as possible. They weren't the only team I was warned against. I continued the practice when I was a peer advisor every year after, even after I graduated I would tell freshmen girls what groups to avoid on campus. 

   Here's the thing, this is not something that has only happened at Virginia Wesleyan College. This is a trend across our nation in universities and colleges, big and small, public and private. Lately, it has come to glaring light that women are not safe on their campuses because we teach girls to be safer rather than boys to not rape. Columbia, Hobart, William, and Smith, Virginia Tech, JMU, GMU, NYU, UCSB, UGA, Auburn, VCU, UVA. This happens everywhere. There needs to be a change. 

   So let me tell you what Virginia Wesleyan is to me because I feel that it is being lost in this debate.

Our Gorgeous Campus

   VWC is not its administration. 

A Picture of me from Senior Year, Fall 2011

   I am Virginia Wesleyan. I am a member of Phi Sigma Sigma Fraternity, Inc. I was President of Pi Sigma Alpha Political Honor Society and Equality Alliance. I was a Senior Senator on SGA. I was a tutor and peer advisor. A friend. A sister. I found myself at Virginia Wesleyan and I know many of you have too. 

Bid Day 2009

   Virginia Wesleyan is home. It is the students, the professors, the Greeks, the athletes, the clubs, the Batten Center, the Caf, the Grille, Clarke, Blocker, Mud Games, Airband, Homecoming, Greek Games, Basketball season, ODAC Champions. It is the community, the family, the culture we have made. We are the Marlins. We Bleed Blue and White. 

One of the many Basketball Games we all adore.

   What we need to take from this is that WE must be better. WE, as Marlins, can make VWC better. WE must hold people accountable and make the changes we know need to be made. WE can be the example for all the other colleges and universities that are dealing with the same problems. 

   STAND UP and Be Better. STAND TOGETHER and Make Our Community and College Better.

   Because Virginia Wesleyan is so precious to each one of us and it deserves that WE do what needs to be done to help it reach its full and real potential as a college and as Our Home.